Tale of Tales
Quotes (part 3)
Prince of the Sands – Post Akitash
Lucas: That wasn’t raciscm, that was just people hating on each other because they were getting in the way. And because they were the wrong race. (On fantasy racism in GW2)
Adam: D, how do you feel about warlords?
Dyami: Ridiculous. Warlords are evil.
Adam: Only if you give them pom-pom.
Val tries to pull in the wraiths close enough that she could touch if she wanted (but doesn’t actually touch). (yet.)
Calen: Hey Val.
Calen: Can you keep an eye on things here while I check that out?
Calen points at campfires.
Val: Sure. Hey lookit, aren’t they pretty?
Val holds up the fishing line with the wraiths hovering around the end.
Calen: Hey Garret.
Garret: Watch things?
Garret: Got it.
DM: She waltzed into battle with a bunch of guys and got crit.
Jon: You should never waltz in battle
Chris: Square dancing is better.
Dyami: Here’s a medicine! Oh wait, that’s poison…
Will: See what happens when you get injured and lie down in this party?
Will: I’m trying to picture Garret’s face when he sees Val pick up Shieldwing and throw him in the wagon.
Adam: Terror. Absolute terror.
Alisha: There was nothing criminal about that!
Will: I’m pretty sure forging a royal seal is illegal. And punishable by death.
Rob: Don’t mind Val. She’s just going to go back to playing with things that might be souls of the dead.
Adam: Stalking: When two people go for a long romantic walk together, but only one of them knows about it…
Garret: I didn’t see anything worth stealing today!
Rob: That means it’s time to steal the spotlight!
Will: Actually Dante’s in the perfect position to become a politician, considering his skill set.
Will: All of the above?
DM: I was planning on people getting an extended rest during all that travel. I wasn’t really expecting… boom.
Lucas: I’m pretty sure blowing shit up isn’t Scooby-Doo logic…
Rob: It’s the Elixer of Life! It kills people. It is very poorly named.
Lucas: Everyone knows you only need five [people to make a mech]. The torso and head, the arms, the legs… and the other three can be bullets.
Rob: The downside of leaving the party is that you don’t get to have fun in this [a fight with 130 rampaging clanners and a 20-foot-tall demon]. The good side of leaving the party is that you don’t have to have fun in this.
Prince Boji: Good lord, two hasty and risky plans in less than that many hours, at least one of which has a good chance of getting us all killed. I’m officially declaring you all bad influences!
Delrid rolls a 6 on his Stealth
Will: God, with that roll you might even wake Shieldwing up.
Dyami: Dante wouldn’t fuck up your day just for fun.
Alisha: Yeah he would.
Dyami: …Well, okay yes, he would, but he would make it funny!
Adam: Garret’s disappointed because Delrid doesn’t have a beard. Otherwise he would have snuck up in the middle of the night and shaved it off.
Alisha: See, Adam, since Delrid diesn’t have a beard, what you need to do is sneak up in the middle of the night and glue one to his face.
Will: But that would be a positive thing!
Fred: That depends on where the hair came from…
Lucas: I wonder what a minotaur steak tastes like.
Rob: Probably a lot like a regular steak.
Will: Delrid’s kind of the dwarf version of Val. Except he doesn’t have a wrench.
Lucas: No, but I have magic!
Dyami: This isn’t in my skill set! I’m good at killing things, and assassinating, and hunting alone, and sneaking, and getting drunk. I’m not good at helping people!
Adam: Actually, I’ll pay for it all.
Will: That sounds really suspicious, coming from the thief…
Adam: Well it’s not my money I’m spending.
Will: I would like to say I’m getting more concerned about Shieldwing’s fate. He started out as labor, then a pillow, and now he’s spare parts.
Adam: 9 out of 10 people agree that if I just let them go they won’t tell anybody what I did to them.
Adam: Garret’s almost half-defender now.
Alisha: Is that a bad thing?
Adam: Well, do you want Garret defending you?
Rob: Depends on whether you want a human shield or not. Garret’s more like a halfling buckler.
Adam: Do I need a feat that lets me mark people?
Rob: Nah, you can just use a Sharpie for that.
Lucas: Guess what, guys! I got another heal!
Rob: Just what you needed! Guess I’ll have to throw more stuff at you now.
Lucas: Ya— wait.
Rob: Garret, you’re up.
Adam: I’m not sure what I want to attack!
Lucas: Minor, move next to king. Standard, kill steal.
Alisha: It was party cohesion!
Rob: It was jerk jerk jerky jerk jerky jerk jerk…
Calen: If I wanted meaningliss talk I would ask Val a mechanical question.
Val: How about you do like he asked, with HIS INTENTIONS, or I find out what torque your nose requires.
Dante: We would see world changing events that could only be explained by some sort of magic as powerful as a wish.
Shieldwing: I thought we already had that, its called magic.
Calen: Garret feel like playing messenger boy?
Garret: Sure, I’ll be right there and back before you know it.
Calen: It’ll keep you out of the treasury at least.
Garret: How did you know!?
Garret: I mean…I’d never…
Calen: Never when it could be traced to you, you mean.
Val: You guys should get to cover, there’s demons coming, and it’s going to be ugly, me and Calen are going to go build ballistae, it’s gonna be fun, have you ever built a trebuchet?
Shieldwing: I’m not sure what you’re selling but I don’t think I want anything that involves burly men in armor.
Delrid: Most of my skills involve deadly or volitile liquids. …and some healing of course.
(So reassuring that our HEALER has his priorities straight.)
DM: Time passes as you all do your respective tasks. Soon the sun begins to set and the smell of fire is on the air coming from the South.
Volcan checks Delrid for fire as he smells it.
Val: Wait I’m not done, it doesn’t have auto-targeting yet, and I was going to add SERHA-level intelligence, oh c’mon, a little more time, please?
Calen: We will have to settle for our eyeballs tonight.
Val: Ugh, inefficient.
Shieldwing: That depends, are you going to be buying me a lifetime supply of ale?
Garret: You PAY for ale?
Alisha: Don’t grammar-nazi me.
Rob: I’m not grammar-nazi-ing you, I’m linear-algebra-ing you.
Will: You named them all. It’s like the Seven Dwarfs, only… more.
Rob: I will describe what is going on, then I will proceed to destroy you one by one.
Dyami: Quite a villain you’re becoming.
Rob: Yes, I learned from the best.
Dan: I don’t think “OP” so much as, all allies on the map are also going “shit shit shit”.
Dyami: Yeah, everyone on the map ran in terror.
Will: You forget, initiative doesn’t matter for me, because all I have to do is stand here and look pretty.
Adam: I didn’t know you were paladin!
Will: (condescendingly) Aww, that’s cute… a halfling in plate.
Rob: He’s giving you a +2 to all defenses.
Will: (suddenly excited) Sweet!
Will: I’d like to say you guys aren’t doing a very good job of plugging that hole.
Adam: I haven’t had a turn yet!
Will: No excuses!
Adam: You didn’t tank fire, you were on fire. There’s a difference.
Rob: Note to self: light Kira on fire more often.
Dan: Y’know, that’s just wrong!
Rob: It’s not my fault you’re flammable!
Dan: The glass cannon doesn’t want to be any more… glass.
Dyami: I’ll just be downgraded to a tissue cannon.
Dan: Sooo… ripped when wet.
Dyami: Pretty much.
Rob: I’m thinking there’s a giggety in there somewhere…
Dyami: Could still give you a nasty papercut, though. And yeah, there’s a giggety in there somewhere.
Rob: Kira! You have initiative.
Rob: Oh come on, what’s the worst thing that could happen if you run out ahead of everyone else and then the masked figures get a turn?
Dan: Boom. Boom, boom… and BOOM.
Rob: It’s not like I could have put an incendiary attack on these guys….
Dan: I hate you even more now.
Will: Rob is laughing at our attempt to understand what’s going on.
Rob: Me, laughing with Vent off? Never!
Rob: D’you know who I haven’t picked on in a while?
Lucas: Dammit, I was hoping he wouldn’t notice.
Dan: One of these two is the one we want.
Rob: singing One of these two is not like the other…
Lucas: singing One of these two keeps stabbing your face.
Chris: I think that gnoll’s done more damage to [the boss] than any of us.
Will: I’m a defender, what’s your excuse?
Chris: I’m dead, what’s your excuse?
Val: I think I’m about to do something stupid?
Val puts on the demon’s mask
Dyami: So what’s going to be your second character?
Dyami: No… I don’t think she’s going to need a second character.
Chris: We all might.
Alisha: Good game today! It was a lot of fun!
Rob: Glad to hear it! I will try to kill you all more often.
Chris: The DM is never late. He arrives precisely when he means to.
Chris: Go ahead. What’s the worst that could happen?
DM: I like that phrasing. Calen will be the last to die!
Chris: Oh, good. …wait. Does this mean I’m going to be thrown into a Sarlaac pit?
Adam: I don’t want to be sticky.
Dan: Just greasy?
Adam: Garret only has sticky fingers
Delrid: (to Calen) Something is wrong with these dead.
Dante: They aren’t dead enough?
[OOC] Garret says, “that wasn’t a job offer, Dante”
Dante begins to race Garret to the nearest pub.
Rob: Race the limping halfling…?
Dyami: I never said it was a fair race.
Dante sees Val’s new imp companion
Dante: Aww, that’s cute, where’d you get it?
Rob: There’s lots of hells to choose from! It’s like the Ikea of damnation.
Dyami: I want one!
Will: Great, Dante’s thinking about taking an imp apprentice.
Dyami: Ninja imp! Kung-fu ninja imp!
Will: Until the apprentice becomes stronger than the master.
Dante: We’ll deal with that when we get there.
Dyami: See, this is what happens when Dante’s occupied with reading a book and not dealing with the party’s issues.
Chris: You mean, when Dante’s occupied with reading a book and not causing any of the party’s issues.
Adam: So why aren’t we the rulers of this city instead?
Rob: You guys are in this big hurry to leave.
Adam: Well, yeah, there’s that…
Lucas: Wait, someone said lava? Someone said lava. I should fill this room with lava.
Adam: So we need to ride off into the sunset?
Lucas: That’s not the sunset, that’s a lava cannon going off. I wouldn’t ride into it.